The Old Boy and the Young Lady


When people talk of Evil, a lot of them refer to the devils or Satan himself. Being a hard-core atheist, I have hardly been able to reason myself, so as to differentiate Jesus from Satan in terms of iniquity. Besides, I consider Jesus pathetically gullible and stupid as well. I mean someone who is supposed to have all Godly attributes, including Omnipotence and Omnipresence, can’t really fall prey to a bunch of sadistic losers, like an impotent, can he? A normal Hindu God, under the same circumstances, would have formed an army of roaches and mice to have all the Jews killed and have their viscera fed by a bunch of vultures. And why some Hindu deity, even Mithun da, from Bollywood, could have frozen the space-time continuum and slaughtered all Jews before they could lay a hand on him, but only after having his sister raped, by each and every one of them.

Now, actions and ideas that are bad for Humanity, in general, can be considered Evil(despite the fact that the notion of bad may vary from people to people; the reason why the confluence and divergence of these useless notions result into the formation of a myriad of religions). Now, I am going to narrate a story, where the Hero may be classified as Evil by a whole lot of people, but is kind of funny and larger-than-life and awesome to me.

For a common reader, this is a story of a demented freak set out on a quest of gaining pleasure through his sadistic deeds. For the rest, the story is about a normal college-going prankster whose only motive in life to suffice his quest for setting records in stratagem and to cajole people till they end up in imbecility. Now, like all classy stories, this one also includes a hot girl, who wears short-skirts, flirts with guys, drinks and smokes, and has a desire to have a noble penis inside her twat. The Guy, whom I will call Satan(an epitome of Evil), lives in the same neighborhood as the hotty, whom I will christen as Mary(the prostitute whom the impotent Jesus screwed). Satan and Mary, as co-workers, share a little time together, most of which is spent in spouting crappy anecdotes about how life was and how much better/worse it has been since they moved overseas. They even shop together where the Guy gets to choose cheesy slutty clothes for the girl, while the girl gets to call Satan names for being such an asshole. They often attend parties, where the inebriated Mary shakes her booty in an undulating fashion giving Satan the telepathic stimulation to fantasize her beyond the textile. Time and again, Mary also tries the Fag and the puffs only augment her zeal to hit to dance floor even harder and bring down the house of gents with her aphrodisiac moves. However, she invariably manages to return home in one piece maintaining her virginity while Satan carries his unmitigated arousal home in his own hands to simply whack it off. The same saga goes on and on for 3 long months and like all real-life stories, nothing melodramatic happens.

Now, before I reach the climax of the story, I have to admit that this penultimate part needs some exaggeration, for the real thing is excruciatingly boring and it makes the climax rather abrupt and gratuitous. Satan, who gets to apply his ingenious mathematical skills to draw imaginary outline curves along Mary’s sinuous figure every single day without a single hint of a chance to get inside her snatch, beings to feel a little instigated to alter the flow of events . He decides to finally pour his heart out and let her know that he thinks of her all the time, if not the whole day at least the whole night. Satan asks the lass out on a date and with this limited acumen of setting romantic dates, influenced by sleazy bollywood movies, he chooses a topless bar as the venue. A slut that she was, Mary didn’t find it absurd at all to go the topless bar with Satan, but what got her agitated was what Satan told her. Without a wee bit of vacillation, Satan portrayed his 3 months long thrive, to get into her pants, in the most unromantic and stark form one can possibly imagine. Verbose, as he was, he used the most unintelligible and intricate words in the smutty English lexicon to describe his love for Mary. Ironically, love was the least used word in the complex sequence of indecipherable words he uttered. No points for guessing that Satan was reprimanded for his stupid act and was asked to never show his sorry ass ever again. Mary made her point clear but the egoistic Satan was furious with rage and vengeance for being turned down.

The climax of the story is all about Satan's vengeance. This narration for this part is so dramatic and awesome that even fiction can’t beat it. After being turned down by the whore, as he refers to her, Satan's only goal was to give her a taste of her own medicine . Being a master of trickery, it was just a matter of time before the unwary Mary would fall prey to his gambit. A common friend's party was the venue where both of them met. Barrels of liquor, packs of fags, tons of beer and little weed here and there seemed overwhelmingly enough for everyone in the party to get their fair share of tipsiness and acousma. Mary, the gracious slutty dancer, with a few pegs down her throat went rocking onto to the dance floor. By the time, her trance had reached its acme, she realized that she ran out of her Vodka. A coquettish request and a little wink of the eye is what a lady needs to make a guy dance to her tunes. Satan and a friend, whom I will refer as Null here, went downstairs to get her the next round of liquor. Now, it's kind of doubtful if Satan had all of this figured out beforehand or the opportunist came up with the best idea of his life ad lib. He had a glass on his left hand and a bladder full of piss waiting to be ejected. Going with his urinary function's urge and his sinful epiphany, Satan pissed right into the glass. Adding a little soft-drink and a little mint to it, the icky malodorous piss turned into something that looked like an expensive peg of Ale, that even the King of Brunei couldn't afford to buy. Quickly making his way upstairs, Satan offered Mary her very-much awaited drink tipping it off with an apology for his stupid act of emancipating his cruddy feelings of lust(love) for her. 'Apology Accepted'-said Mary and went on to hug Satan, giving him a flimsy feel of her huge pair of never-squeezed bosoms. Little did she know that the Glass she was holding would do much more to Satan than her gesture of forgiveness or arousal. Looking at the drink she sighed and conjectured that it must be expensive. Satan replied in affirmative and urged her to taste it. Okay she said and over the moon was Satan when the piss wet Mary's lips and ran down her throat. An admirer of Old boy, a movie based on vengeance, this feat was more than what Satan could have asked for. Getting a sozzled stone-hearted lady, who once turned him down, to drink his piss was something even God would be proud about. A human being that Satan biologically was, felt elated for restoring his self-esteem back.

Mary, till date, despite never having been close to the man's tool, doesn't really realize that she already knows what a man's piss tastes like. Satan, however, knows that his heroic deed has already made it to the elysian all-encompassing bank of information known as Internet. Like all crappy stories, my story has absolutely no moral yet it stands as an open-ended question as to whether Satan is evil or just an average prankster.