iBlack

When I born, I black
When I grow up, I black
When I go in Sun, I black
When I scared, I black
When I sick, I black
And when I die, I still black
And you white fellow
When you born, you pink
When you grow up, you white
When you go in sun, you red
When you cold, you blue
When you scared, you yellow
When you sick, you green
And when you die, you gray
And you calling me colored???

Incest

Gosh, dude! You sister’s got nice wrought tits. She’s real smokin’ hot man. The aroma she proliferates, the way she walks, and when she bends to pick up a pencil showing her chest cleavge, everything makes me hard man. Don’t you peep into her room, sometimes, to take a little glint at her lovely boson, may be her lovely callipygian bottom. Com’on dude, pinch your eye shot and take a closer look. I bet I would risk it if I were you. Reply: You’re a psycho. Do u know that? She’s my sister dude. I have grown up with her and have seen her and her ‘body’ grow since ever; since I knew and realized that I am conscious being. How can I have hots for her man? Gross. Disgusting. You’re a fucking freak. This is the last time I am warning you. Watch your mouth from now onwards or you and your ideas will be only a part of some historical psychometrics study book, pursued as a part of the study curriculum in sub-urban Mexico.

Conversations like this may be heard/eavesdropped or talked about every once in a while but you rarely get to see someone admit jacking off fantasizing his own sister. I bet girls also rarely have hots for their brothers. Taking this to the next level, boys may find their aunts in their neighborhood hot but they hardly see their moms that way. Girls may behave flirtatiously with their uncles but rarely speak of their father’s dick. So, why is incest wrong? Why is marrying or producing offspring in the same family considered wrong? If all the rules in our society and religions were made for the greater good of the human race, what is the logic behind such a rule?

Now before making any attempt at answering these questions, I will have to state the concept of incest in different religious and ethnic groups, which, very obviously like any other idea, is variegated in sharp contract with respect to one another. In some societies, like Ancient Egypt, brother–sister, father–daughter and mother–son relations were practiced, but the practice was limited to the royal family. Marrying to first cousins is legally allowed in various states in the US, under certain circumstances like, consent of the uncle-aunts of the couple, after a certain age (above 50) and if they are double first cousins. In Australia, marriage between people belonging to same direct lineage is not allowed; however, for any branched lineage an exception can be made under certain circumstances. Lots of countries in the Europe, the land of Caligula and Da Vinci, only restrict marriages between siblings and offspring-parent. The Quran mentions incest which prohibits a man from having sexual relationships with his mother, daughter, sister, paternal aunt, maternal aunt or niece. However, Islam allows for marriage with cousins and other more distant relatives. Hinduism goes a little too far in this case and doesn’t allow marriages between people belonging to the same Gotra or having the same surname(and of the same caste). Many catholics have impregnated and enjoyed sexual relations with their siblings, but the religious, with all its hallowed hypocrisy, discourages incestuous relationships. So, in a nutshell, virtually every society has laws to prevent incestuous relationships.

Now, if the above questions are asked to man of Science, he would say that – Incestuous inbreeding leads to an increase in homozygosity (the same allele at the same locus on both members of a chromosome pair), occurring because close relatives are much more likely to share the same alleles than unrelated individuals. He would further explain that recessive alleles that happen to be deleterious, which are harmless and inactive in a heterozygous pairing but, when homozygous, can cause serious developmental defects. The final verdict would be that such offspring have a much higher chance of death before reaching the age of reproduction or having deleterious recessive attributes fucking up his life and his younger one’s. But one could argue that if both incestuous and normal relationships are practiced, the problem would cease to exist. The dominant allele would subdue the recessive one, in the large gene pool, and eventually, the problem of having deleterious attributes caused from the recessive ones, would no longer exist. As an example, Trobriand Islanders allow relations between a woman and her father and they survive as happily as all the hippies in NY and drug-users in Detroit. Even the ancient Egypt, Kings enjoyed having sex with their kins(along with dead mummies following voodoo practices of Necromancy) to have a close chemistry along with strong emotional bonding with their partners.

A man of Psychology, the study of freaks and psychos, would say-It’s because of the Westermarck effect, that children who are raised together during the first five to ten years of life have inhibited sexual desire toward one another. But then, all of these psychological pressures are imbibed in us through the society. Having grown together, we are bound to share a closer chemistry as compared to unrelated people and, hence, have a more happy and fructuous relationship, if pursued. Having a conscious cognition about one’s likes, dislikes, habits and instincts, one can cultivate stronger relationships with their close kiths and kins.

A man of Religion would say that incestuous relationships are prohibited, in the most stringent sense, in all religious text. Traditionalists and people of blind-faith would say that Man, a social being, has to have a belonging somewhere and for that he has to follow the societal norms. But, my question is -How is this norm logical and how did it come to existence in the first place. When the human race was discreetly growing the various parts, in the ancient era, these relationships were practiced to make the human-count profuse enough to survive any catastrophe. So, now when our count has crossed the 6 billion mark, why should we bring this practice to a halt and consider it unrighteous. If Adam and Eve had sex following all permutations and combinations with their offspring, why can’t Pathakji’s family practice the same.

Prohibition of Incest surfaces other questions like – Why do states prohibit homosexuality? Why is suicide prohibited by the law? Why don’t we respect and legalize a call-girl, who is offering herself willingly to someone for some easy bucks? Why do were keep porn-stars and corporate bitches at vastly different levels of respect? The single relationship between all of these questions is that – Why do we constrict one’s freedom to do what he/she wants unless it directly harms the human race? A guy sick of living in a pathetic world of losers feels like dying, then why does the police arrest him for an unsuccessful and lame attempt at slashing his wrists ! Why does Shramuji never tell his wife that Chameli’s blow job was the best 3 minutes of his life! Why Pamela Anderson and Jenna Jameson can’t be considered for Time Magazine’s-People of the year for having inspired the youth and helped them become men, much before than mother-nature would have made them into! Why do the people in the bar stare at a dyke’s aphrodisiacal kiss to her femme, very disrespectfully yet with an erect dick, like a bunch of teenagers seeing their first 7x porn! Why do Gay men face the stigma of being considered effeminate or lesser man! Democratic nations everywhere talk about freedom. I don’t care to mention about other forms of government simply because they hardly have any freaking idea about what they’re doing. If talking about crap is allowed, publishing filth is allowed and showing shit is allowed, why the hell is Homosexuality, porn, suicide and incest prohibited.

Please feel free to comment on this issue and edify us with your views.

The Old Boy and the Young Lady


When people talk of Evil, a lot of them refer to the devils or Satan himself. Being a hard-core atheist, I have hardly been able to reason myself, so as to differentiate Jesus from Satan in terms of iniquity. Besides, I consider Jesus pathetically gullible and stupid as well. I mean someone who is supposed to have all Godly attributes, including Omnipotence and Omnipresence, can’t really fall prey to a bunch of sadistic losers, like an impotent, can he? A normal Hindu God, under the same circumstances, would have formed an army of roaches and mice to have all the Jews killed and have their viscera fed by a bunch of vultures. And why some Hindu deity, even Mithun da, from Bollywood, could have frozen the space-time continuum and slaughtered all Jews before they could lay a hand on him, but only after having his sister raped, by each and every one of them.

Now, actions and ideas that are bad for Humanity, in general, can be considered Evil(despite the fact that the notion of bad may vary from people to people; the reason why the confluence and divergence of these useless notions result into the formation of a myriad of religions). Now, I am going to narrate a story, where the Hero may be classified as Evil by a whole lot of people, but is kind of funny and larger-than-life and awesome to me.

For a common reader, this is a story of a demented freak set out on a quest of gaining pleasure through his sadistic deeds. For the rest, the story is about a normal college-going prankster whose only motive in life to suffice his quest for setting records in stratagem and to cajole people till they end up in imbecility. Now, like all classy stories, this one also includes a hot girl, who wears short-skirts, flirts with guys, drinks and smokes, and has a desire to have a noble penis inside her twat. The Guy, whom I will call Satan(an epitome of Evil), lives in the same neighborhood as the hotty, whom I will christen as Mary(the prostitute whom the impotent Jesus screwed). Satan and Mary, as co-workers, share a little time together, most of which is spent in spouting crappy anecdotes about how life was and how much better/worse it has been since they moved overseas. They even shop together where the Guy gets to choose cheesy slutty clothes for the girl, while the girl gets to call Satan names for being such an asshole. They often attend parties, where the inebriated Mary shakes her booty in an undulating fashion giving Satan the telepathic stimulation to fantasize her beyond the textile. Time and again, Mary also tries the Fag and the puffs only augment her zeal to hit to dance floor even harder and bring down the house of gents with her aphrodisiac moves. However, she invariably manages to return home in one piece maintaining her virginity while Satan carries his unmitigated arousal home in his own hands to simply whack it off. The same saga goes on and on for 3 long months and like all real-life stories, nothing melodramatic happens.

Now, before I reach the climax of the story, I have to admit that this penultimate part needs some exaggeration, for the real thing is excruciatingly boring and it makes the climax rather abrupt and gratuitous. Satan, who gets to apply his ingenious mathematical skills to draw imaginary outline curves along Mary’s sinuous figure every single day without a single hint of a chance to get inside her snatch, beings to feel a little instigated to alter the flow of events . He decides to finally pour his heart out and let her know that he thinks of her all the time, if not the whole day at least the whole night. Satan asks the lass out on a date and with this limited acumen of setting romantic dates, influenced by sleazy bollywood movies, he chooses a topless bar as the venue. A slut that she was, Mary didn’t find it absurd at all to go the topless bar with Satan, but what got her agitated was what Satan told her. Without a wee bit of vacillation, Satan portrayed his 3 months long thrive, to get into her pants, in the most unromantic and stark form one can possibly imagine. Verbose, as he was, he used the most unintelligible and intricate words in the smutty English lexicon to describe his love for Mary. Ironically, love was the least used word in the complex sequence of indecipherable words he uttered. No points for guessing that Satan was reprimanded for his stupid act and was asked to never show his sorry ass ever again. Mary made her point clear but the egoistic Satan was furious with rage and vengeance for being turned down.

The climax of the story is all about Satan's vengeance. This narration for this part is so dramatic and awesome that even fiction can’t beat it. After being turned down by the whore, as he refers to her, Satan's only goal was to give her a taste of her own medicine . Being a master of trickery, it was just a matter of time before the unwary Mary would fall prey to his gambit. A common friend's party was the venue where both of them met. Barrels of liquor, packs of fags, tons of beer and little weed here and there seemed overwhelmingly enough for everyone in the party to get their fair share of tipsiness and acousma. Mary, the gracious slutty dancer, with a few pegs down her throat went rocking onto to the dance floor. By the time, her trance had reached its acme, she realized that she ran out of her Vodka. A coquettish request and a little wink of the eye is what a lady needs to make a guy dance to her tunes. Satan and a friend, whom I will refer as Null here, went downstairs to get her the next round of liquor. Now, it's kind of doubtful if Satan had all of this figured out beforehand or the opportunist came up with the best idea of his life ad lib. He had a glass on his left hand and a bladder full of piss waiting to be ejected. Going with his urinary function's urge and his sinful epiphany, Satan pissed right into the glass. Adding a little soft-drink and a little mint to it, the icky malodorous piss turned into something that looked like an expensive peg of Ale, that even the King of Brunei couldn't afford to buy. Quickly making his way upstairs, Satan offered Mary her very-much awaited drink tipping it off with an apology for his stupid act of emancipating his cruddy feelings of lust(love) for her. 'Apology Accepted'-said Mary and went on to hug Satan, giving him a flimsy feel of her huge pair of never-squeezed bosoms. Little did she know that the Glass she was holding would do much more to Satan than her gesture of forgiveness or arousal. Looking at the drink she sighed and conjectured that it must be expensive. Satan replied in affirmative and urged her to taste it. Okay she said and over the moon was Satan when the piss wet Mary's lips and ran down her throat. An admirer of Old boy, a movie based on vengeance, this feat was more than what Satan could have asked for. Getting a sozzled stone-hearted lady, who once turned him down, to drink his piss was something even God would be proud about. A human being that Satan biologically was, felt elated for restoring his self-esteem back.

Mary, till date, despite never having been close to the man's tool, doesn't really realize that she already knows what a man's piss tastes like. Satan, however, knows that his heroic deed has already made it to the elysian all-encompassing bank of information known as Internet. Like all crappy stories, my story has absolutely no moral yet it stands as an open-ended question as to whether Satan is evil or just an average prankster.

Om Shanti Om


For most movie connoisseurs the one discourse, which is invariably a never-ending one, is whether the movies in the past were the best or the new movies are better than them. Obviously, like all debatable topics, only 2 propositions can’t suffice all point of views, but just for the sake of writing a review, let me set a ballpark. Om Shanti Om, a recent blockbuster, and a movie that supposedly celebrates cinema, not only acts as a dialect about this issue but also provides an answer, absolutely out and loud.

Choreographer turned director Farah Khan’s second movie that features the current King of Bollywood, Shahrukh Khan, whom I prefer to call the King of all obtuse dumb-ass actors in the industry, have synergized to embrace the idea that movies now are technically, aesthetically, artistically and, not to mention acting and direction wise, sound as compared to the movies in 70’s. Before I accentuate on the nuances between the two eras, I have to mention that 70’s was the most vibrant, embellished and happening era of the Indian cinema; when the sets had more colors than number of muslim children born every day; when the songs were more out-of-the-place than Manmohan singh on the news; when the fight sequences were shot so unrealistically defying all physical laws that would make Newton slash his wrists; when the horror scenes were shot using things as sleazy as mud as make-up on actors; when people like Jeetendra, who is not only an jack-ass but also the proud father of Ekta and Tushar Kapoor, were casted as heroes; when every single movie had a blind, over-worked, under-paid, widow mother and a Hero, whose upbringing might have been in poorest of all slums, could outshine people from Corporate world to Bureaucrats with his style, charisma, adroitness in playing musical instruments or using a shot-gun, ability to pick-up girls from any bar, sing in ways taking people into trance, something that would make Illusionists feel inferior, and dance with undulating moves, that would make MJ quit showbiz and restrict his notoriety by simply molesting kids.

The first part of movie is set on the 70’s where the junior artist, played by SRK, strives to become an actor and win the heart of the Dreamy girl Deepkia. Now, if you want to analyze the paradigm shift caused in societal dynamics inflicted due to the media, think of Deepkia. A girl, who’s no more ravishing and hotter than your girl next door, has been the talk-of-the-tinsel town and projected as the next big thing by media. Tv shows, Interviews and all gay-people-get-together talk of Deepkia as the new Marilyn Monroe, and as an epitome of modern bollywood beauty, surpassing the likes of Madhubala and other hotties of different eras. And to everyone’s wonder, as she appears on the silver-screen with her outrageously hokey and vile smile, you go like-Fuck, is she the one, thinking of whom half of the country has been jerking off. As a last woman standing amongst over 2000 girls auditioned for the movie, Deepika seems the perfect fit for the cheesy one-liner-‘Millions of sperms and you won the race ! ‘.

Getting back to the first part of the movie, the director wanted it to be like a spoof depicting the all the nonsensical attributes of the movies in the 70’s. So, she emulated the colors, design of the sets, clichéd dialogs, over-aged heroes and over-acting, all of which was pretty much neatly done. It’s so neatly done that fine actors like Kiron Kher and Shreyas Talpade also have managed to act in an incredibly horrible fashion in the movie. For SRK, it’s actually impossible to determine if it is his natural self or he’s deliberately over-acting. The scene where he delivers the dialog, which turns out to be the most redundant dialog of the movie, there he’s drunk and he mimics Deepika. While doing that he appears not a wee bit different from what he was in Devdas, a major blockbuster. You can always excuse SRK, in this regard, because the last, and probably the one time, he acted well was when he admitted that he doesn’t sleep with Karan Johar.

Now, the second half the movie is set on 2007. Before you gather your senses back, you get the see SRK in half-naked form flaunting his six-packs that have made more news than the cyclone on Bangladesh. And, what’s more: Not long before you recover from the trauma, there comes another song, the title song actually, where hundreds of forgotten heroes of the past make an appearance with their very own and widely ridiculed dance moves to compliment SRK, someone who is old enough to be considered their contemporary but someone who craftily managed to coax producers by sucking their cocks (and pussies) and survive longer. There’s a sequence, basically a B-Grade rip off RDB, where SRK and his pathetic team of losers audition girls for the movie. SRK talks about how passionate he wants the actress to be and here, he is not a tad bit different from what he was in Dil to Pagal hai where he talks about Maya, the epitome of passion and pristine grace. This redundancy of limited emotions SRK plays in all of his roles is actually mocked in OSO, in the filmfare award ceremony where 2 of his films are nominated for the Best Actor category and the clip shows SRK playing the exact same role in two different movies and yet wins a nomination and an award, very much like he does every single year outside his reel life. Another clip played for the movie ‘The return of the Khiladi’ mocks the idea of Akshaya Kumar playing the same Khiladi role over and over again. It’s kind of funny that Farah Khan, who’s apparently good at making mockeries doesn’t have the Grey cells to add some sense to her movie somewhat less ridiculous.

The movie also features Arjun Rampal, who for some reason always speaks in a whining and moaning tone, in a negative role. Being a US return producer, he also speaks in a funky US accent, at times, when you feel like exfoliating your own brains out. The last part of the movie is dedicated to SRK’s vengeance for Arjun rampal in which he uses tricks, that a 9 year old would discard considering retarded and ineffectual, to bamboozle him for being demented and seeing a long-dead actress trying to spook him. Like all artless movies, OSO ends with the And-they-lived-happily-ever-after style.

Being an Indian, I was asked why I wrote this review with a feeling of loath and scorn for Bollywood giants, whom quite a few people admire. I just told them – How can I be proud to belong to India, the country ;where Manmohan singh, who claims to be in politics by mistake, is the PM,; Sachin Tendulker, who’s lost his form long before he lost his virginity, is considered God ; SRK, a pathetic impotent moron, is the king of Bollywood; and the movie ‘Aap ka suroor’, featuring Himesh reshamiya, known to have made the world dance to his nasal cacophony, is a chart-topper. So, the answer to the recurring question, I mentioned earlier is-Till the day people like SRK and Farah Khan will be associated with movies, I suggest you better sleep it off for 2 and half hours rather than being excruciated, just for having a penchant for motion-picture.

Destined to be a Felo-de-se, I set off on a long odyssey
All along I limp and crescendo pain is all I have to carry
I feel the creeping cold and an irascible aroma’s what I smell
Disheveled reflections of my life I see; Hell it appears like a spell

Shrieks and moans of my inner-self play a long restless Threnody
No wonder, all the cacophony I hear is played by the fucking Foley
I now feel feeble, I feel frail as I am Dilapidating; Hell, I am rotting
Disheveled and Damaged, as I feel, I see all my hopes Demolishing

Delusional would I love to be to hallucinate in world of no chicaneries
To hell with stigma and fame in a serene world of no pain and no worries
Defunctness, here, has entrapped me within the deepest quicksand of tragedy
Wouldn’t I be better dead rather than to limper along with exhausted energy?

Hopeless Me

Sheer despair is what I sit here in
As fleeting thoughts ravage my mind
Nothing can mend a soul torn apart
And there's only pain but no peace to find.
I can't rest, I can't sleep and I can't dream
And I don't even see light, as if I were blind
My despondent spirit torments my very being
Is God so feculent but still considered kind

Depression wraps its entrails like a blanket of hellfire
As I search for a shadow of hope to get out this quagmire
Just a shadow and just a hope is what I keep seeking
To lift this discouraged tormented soul and my being
And find a world of safety, love, peace and serenity
Where my soul will no longer languish in morbidity.
I keep thriving with all remaining strength and positivity
Fighting my unrest and a seemingly never ending negativity

Nishabd

Nishabd means Wordless, in the literal sense. However, in the movie, the word accentuates more on the unexpressed feelings encompassing the emotional and quixotic love relationship existing between a 60 year old man and a sexy 18 year old teen Girl. An adaptive amalgam of the novel/movie Lolita and American Beauty, the movie brought into the limelight a new bold image of the Old Superstar, known for his larger than life image, and, more importantly, a sizzling seductive sensation in the form the young actress Jia Khan. And with the movie came, the very concomitant, controversy regarding the message that the movie would send to the society.

Jia Khan was invited to a tv show to answer questions directly from the people with a view to pacify the criticism against the movie and it's content. Flaunting her ravishing body recklessly in the movie Jia Khan may have been comfortable but, not so in the show, where people asked her a number of questions that pervaded the boundaries of weirdness and hilarity causing the NRI actress, trying to speak hindi, to get pissed and nervous. People didn't bother to ask her -" Madamji, in the real life, would you marry an old man like me ?" Most of them were more than eager to have her idea about the message the movie would give out to the kids, who were supposed to respect the elders not romance them and fantasize them nude. People felt outrageously bold to ask this - "Did Ram Gopal Verma really like your talent or you offered him something in the brief 10 mins meeting, in which you were offered the role ?" To cut the long idea short, people praised Jia for exposing enough skin to help them jerk off but, at the same time, rebuked her for acting in the movie opposite the old guy. Their treatment to her was like the treatment a road-side hooker gets with whom, given a chance, the same people would trade their daughters to get a mere blowjob. Consequently, Jia Khan, who just blew 18 candles in her last birthday, fell prey to the hypocrite junta, ending up being very equivocal and befuddled about why she had acted in the movie.

Censor boards and Ratings for the movie were ideas that were introduced to streamline creativity giving room to the film-makers to appropriately choose and display subjects, stories or skin with requisite mutual coherence. But with people coming out on rallies against movies, not only shows their worthlessness and leisure but also their petty-mindness. With so many Pedophiles, Pederasts and Rapists all over and News channels embellishing their stories in limelight, children and everyone in the society is aware of unconventional stuff and the consequence; so why criticize a movie, that shows an unusual relationship with a positive message to end with. At least this way, everyone gets to see actors like Amitabh experimenting with their images and sensuous ladies like Jia Khan in their full form.